Fatness 2 Fitness

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Fitness God Strikes McDonald's With Great Vengeance



Recently a fire burned three adjacent buildings in my neighborhood, McDonald's, Slice Thirty-One and Twin Donut, much to the dismay of policemen, cabbies and fast food addicts in Astoria. The reason I mention this is two-fold...one, I just think that it's funny (in a you made me fat...now burn in hell way)...and two, because the smell of donuts, burgers and pizza no longer greet me when I step off the Ditmars platform. Now I breathe deep the acrid scent of burnt plastic, wood and chemicals placed in the McDonald's food which keeps us coming back for more...even though we know the food really sucks each time we eat it.

I have to mention that although Carrie and I have been very dedicated to our healthy eating, regular exercising and dedication to cook and eat at home....we've had one McDonald's trip in the last month. I ate a new chicken sandwich with very little mayo (but devoured the soggy french fries) and Carrie had some chicken strips. It sucked, we felt disgusted after eating and were immediately sorry that we fell for the temptation of Ray Kroc once again....yet what a deal for a Super Sized meal of regret!!!

I our defense...we worked out very hard the next day to cleanse the food and saturated fats from our systems. Overall it must be confessed that we are happy that McDonald's burned (sorry franchisees...at least you're insured...you could have been Twin Donut). The smell of smoke makes us sick, the sight of McDonald's' all boarded up is being taken as a sign from God (although we're pretty sure there is some heavenly influence in the McFlurry) and our gym is right across the street. With no place else to go...we're just going to go to the gym instead of doing repeated quarter pounder with cheese bicep curls. Also, if the fire doesn't ultimately cure our craving for fast food...we'll just watch the Celebrity Fit Club marathon on TV and become nauseated by various D-List stars gorging themselves on self-loathing, chocolate, burgers and delusions of a comeback. The thought of Jackee running rampant at a Hometown Buffet is making me too ill to type any longer........Seacrest Out!

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